The English Student Tinder

Date of meeting: February 2015

It was the end of my second week in Japan and I still hadn’t slept with anyone. Having gotten ridiculously plastered off my face with Patrick Bateman Tinder and Drug Pusher Tinder that week and the week before, and not having any sexual escapades, I was extremely disappointed with my Tinder experience in Japan thus far.

I swiped right to English Student Tinder despite it being clear from his profile that he was a traditional born and bred Japanese. One line of his profile read: I want to be some funny friends, and some English spoken friends!

Despite that, he had a cute photo of him dressed in a suit, holding up a tiny Coke bottle, so I swiped right. He messaged me later that day, with his first message as: hey!

We started chatting in broken English and Japanese and quickly became friends on Facebook. FYI the best way to tell if your new Tinder match is crazy/married is if they accept you as a friend on Facebook, no questions asked. English Student Tinder said he wanted to speak English more, and asked if we could go to lunch. He seemed like a genuinely nice guy, because he had suggested a daytime meal rather than the more casual suggestion of drinks, so I agreed to meeting him in a week’s time.

English Student Tinder and I had made plans for dinner on a Saturday night in Ebisu, but a few days before our date, he messaged me to change it to a Friday night in Naka-Meguro instead, which was fine with me, although English Student Tinder was very apologetic about changing plans.

Our plans were to meet up at 6pm at Naka-Meguro station, which was fairly close to where I was staying in Akabanebashi, however after an afternoon of shopping, I came home and got ready late, and ended up being late to meet English Student Tinder. In fact, I was very happy about meeting English Student Tinder because he seemed very considerate- before our date, he had asked me what I would like to eat, and when I replied with torisashi (raw chicken) he had looked up a restaurant and made a reservation.

While I was getting ready, I messaged English Student Tinder to tell him I would be late, and got this reply: nevermind! This led to some confusion on my part, and made me wonder if he was cancelling the date because I was going to be late by almost half an hour. I messaged him back asking if it was okay, and he said: yes sure. take care!! While I was on the way to Naka-Meguro, I messaged him again apologising for being late and got this reply: I don’t care! This made me begin to have doubts as to whether I should have arranged to meet up with him, but I had already left my apartment, so I continued on to Naka-Meguro, wondering what kind of night would be in store for me.

When I got to Naka-Meguro, English Student Tinder told me to get off at the east exit, so I did. When I got out, we were messaging each other back and forth a little bit, each trying to figure out where the other one was. He then called me via Line, and realised he had told me to get out at the wrong exit. He then came to where I was.

I was wearing my Jeffrey Campbells that night, and English Student Tinder failed the height test (he was not taller than me in them). Despite that, I thought he was cute. I felt comfortable with him right away and we walked to the restaurant chatting all the way. The restaurant was a short walk from Naka-Meguro station, and was very nice.

We had seats at the counter in front of the chefs, and spoke in broken English and Japanese during dinner. During dinner while we were speaking English, a girl that was sitting next to English Student Tinder interrupted us and said she had been eavesdropping on our conversation. She was Japanese and had lived in London for a year or two, and started a conversation with English Student Tinder and I. During this time, English Student Tinder invited her to share our food (for some reason, sharing food with strangers is normal in Japan) and they started talking in Japanese among themselves for a brief moment.

My Japanese isn’t that good, so I couldn’t be sure of it, but I almost thought that the girl next to English Student Tinder was trying to pick him up, or vice versa. I thought I heard them discussing Facebook, and English Student may have said ‘yes add me on Facebook’ in Japanese, and then ‘you write my name with this character’ but I guess I’ll never know. However, I was a little appalled inside at what may have been going on. Shortly after that, the girl and her friend left, and English Student Tinder enjoyed the rest of our dinner. During dinner, we talked about ourselves, and Japanese people who couldn’t really speak English. English Student Tinder was 32 and lived in Meguro-ku, which is a fairly nice area of Tokyo, although not as nice as Minato-ku. He worked in marketing, and had been born in Shizuoka and later moved to Tokyo for university.

As we were finishing up at dinner, English Student Tinder got a call from his friend. His friend must have asked him what he was doing, because English Student Tinder replied: I’m with my girlfriend. I thought it was very cheeky and presumptuous of him to refer to me in this manner. However, I soon realised that it was due to English Student Tinder’s poor English knowledge that led to him referring to me in such a manner. After English Student Tinder got off the phone, he then asked: Is it okay if we meet my boyfriend after this? I said it was fine, and we then left to meet the boyfriend.

I thought it was hilarious that English Student Tinder referred to myself and his friend in this way, and didn’t bother to correct him. I’m not going to be a great English teacher.

English Student Tinder picked up the bill for our delicious dinner. I was pleased by this, and thoroughly satisfied.

During our dinner, English Student Tinder and I had spent a large portion of time talking about Japanese food, and he had brought up monjayaki, which I said I hadn’t eaten and wanted to eat. English Student Tinder then suggested that we eat monjayaki at a place nearby, and said his friend would join us. The monjayaki restaurant was close by, and English Student Tinder’s ‘boyfriend’ joined us there. Like English Student Tinder, his boyfriend was also interested in speaking English, and we ate monjayaki chatting in broken English and Japanese.

During our monjayaki snack, I mentioned to EST and EST’s friend that I hated cooking, and that I got sick of my last boyfriend because he kept making me cook every day. EST and his friend then said that it was okay, because they could cook. EST then proceeded to cook the monjayaki and serve it to me. Trophy husband skills.

The three of us had a pleasant time eating and drinking, and when EST saw me yawning during our second meal, he suggested going home if I was tired, to which I reluctantly agreed. EST and his friend walked me to Naka-Meguro station and also helped to get a Pasmo card to use on the densha (which I was badly in need of) and then waved goodbye to me at the station. It was really cute.

That night I messaged EST when I got home and said bangohan o ogotte arigatou (thanks for treating me to dinner), to which he replied with a thumbs up sticker (one of the reasons why Line is probably so popular in Asia, is its great range of stickers). We messaged back and forth a little bit, and after I asked him if he was still out, EST replied that he was walking home, and asked where I was, to which I said I went back out, to a club after I saw him. EST replied: You are fine! I envy you!

To this day, I still don’t know what he meant by this. Not understanding his meaning, I simply replied mou uchi ni kaerimashita (I’ve gone home already). EST’s reply was: Good! I’m glad to see you. I hope that your trip be happy! I like you!
I was more ecstatic than I should have been at hearing this, and promptly responded to EST with: Haha, I like you too *happy sticker* EST replied with a thumbs up sticker. We messaged each other a little bit back and forth throughout the day. After having dinner with a friend, I proceeded to the Tokyo Pub Crawl, where I met the three pub crawl Tinders (more on that later).

It was getting somewhat late and EST and I had been messaging each other throughout the night. In my drunken state I may have sent him some cheeky messages saying I was drinking alone (when I clearly was not) when he suddenly messaged me asking if I wanted to come to his place to drink. Things with the three Tokyo Pub Crawl Tinders hadn’t turned out so well (as you will later hear) so I jumped into a cab and headed to English Student Tinder’s place in Ebisu. He came down the stairs to let me in, and once we got in to his apartment, he got me a drink and we sat on the sofa chatting and watching Sailor Moon and some other Japanese movies, while English Student Tinder taught me some kanji. We spent an hour or two chatting amiably, until I got so tired that I started to fall asleep on the sofa. At this point, EST gave me some clothes to change into and told me to go to sleep first. He said that he needed to ‘study English’ so he was going to continue watching the movie first.

I got into bed and fell asleep almost straight away. I was sleeping deeply when I felt a tap on my shoulder, waking me up. It was EST, who had just climbed into bed, and moved closer to kiss me. He kept saying ‘you’re so cute’ and ‘I want you’. I love being given compliments so of course I succumbed. After we kissed a few times, I was too tired to continue, having being woken up, so I turned back around and was preparing to go to sleep, but I could feel his erection pressing into my back. I was ambivalent about sleeping with EST, but after having such bad luck with Patrick Bateman Tinder and Drug Pusher Tinder in the weeks before, I decided that I’d better just sleep with this guy just in case I didn’t get the opportunity to sleep with anyone else in Japan.

The sex was not great. It was a little bit awkward doing it with someone that didn’t speak English that well. He kept saying ‘I feel good, how about you?’ during the act, to which I could only reply ‘yes’ to in a half-hearted sort of way. I wanted to go on top, but was too tired to bother, and after I think about 10 minutes EST began to say ‘iku’ which means ‘to go’ in Japanese, which I took to mean that he was coming- and come he did. Afterwards, he rolled over and went to sleep almost immediately, while I lay there feeling dissatisfied with what was probably the strangest sexual experience of my life.

I went back to sleep shortly after and we spent the night half-spooning.

In the morning, EST woke up before I did and began to play Jack Johnson, while the light streamed in from the balcony. Overall, it wasn’t a bad way to wake up, but I awoke feeling pretty awkward. After I got up, EST and I chatted a bit and he made me some tea. EST and I chatted a bit, before he said that he had to go work, so I showered and got ready to leave. EST walked me to Meguro station, while we talked along the way. When we got to Meguro station, EST told me to enjoy the rest of my trip, and held out his hand and kind of grasped mine, as if we had just conducted a business transaction. It was probably the weirdest goodbye from a one night stand that I ever had in my life.

One thought on “The English Student Tinder

  1. This sound so familiar – the broken English messaging especially. I met a guy in person on working holiday from Japan from a language exchange app. It turns out he was in a loving relationship with his girlfriend who he met a few months prior, and I fell for him prematurely. He offered me friends with benefits because he was horny, but I didn’t accept it and blocked him.


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