The Musician Tinder

Date of initial meeting: June 2015

This one is going to be hard to write about.

Back in April, I was swiping through Tinder as usual, keeping my eye open for a Eurasian for a potential fling. As fate would have it, I came across Musician Tinder. He looked Eurasian in his pictures and once we matched, he messaged me with the icebreaker: Rate your weekend on a scale of 1 to 11.
We exchanged messages back and forth over Tinder for about a day before exchanging phone numbers. I became extremely interested in Musician Tinder after I found out that he was Chinese Greek. Musician Tinder worked in the media industry in a music production company, and was 2 years younger than me. In his spare time, he played a variety of instruments, composed music, and helped his musician/singer friends with videos or other things in the musical world. His father had also been a DJ.

As you know, I have a history of meeting older men on Tinder and so far it has worked out disastrously for me, so I decided to change things up and try the cougar thing. The first day we started chatting, Musician Tinder asked me if I was free to Skype later. I said I didn’t use Skype much, so he asked if he could call me. I found this extremely unusual, as I don’t even chat to Tinders I have met on the phone. Obviously I protested, but Musician Tinder was persistent, so he called me later that night and we talked for an hour. I felt a bit uncomfortable, but Musician Tinder was confident and good at talking. I also loved the sound of his voice. Clearly, I liked him from the start.

We continued texting semi-regularly (about a couple of times of a week) and chatting on the phone without any mention of meeting up in person until sometime in late May, when Musician Tinder asked if he could add me on Facebook and also asked if I wanted to meet up at some point. I agreed unhesitatingly as I was beginning to think of Musician Tinder as a phone friend only, but enjoyed our conversations and was eager to see if things could progress. We planned a date in early June over the long weekend, to see the Vivid light festival.

Leading up to the day, we didn’t text much except for a confirmation that we were still meeting on the day before. On the day, I met Musician Tinder outside Town Hall steps. He was dressed stylishly with fake glasses, tall, cute and looked even better than his pictures. We had dinner at The Morrison where he had made a reservation (I liked that he had come prepared). During dinner, I made him a sandwich with the cured meats and bread we had, and he said “Oh, you know how to make me happy.” It was super cheesy and cute.

After dinner we walked to the Rocks and took pictures, chatting all the while. The conversation was completely natural and not once did I ever feel awkward. We walked all over the city talking and admiring the light display, and even went into the casino and walked around there. Afterwards, we went back to Chinatown and Musician Tinder suggested dessert at MeetFresh before we finished up. He walked me to get a taxi and gave me a hug at the end. Before an hour had passed, he had messaged me asking if I was free for another outing in the future, to which I said yes to.

A week passed, and we continued texting almost daily. We went on our second date which included a walk from Central to Newtown followed by dinner in Newtown. Even though it was only the second date, Musician Tinder felt comfortable enough to begin holding me around the waist and we spent the entire night walking like that. I also liked that MT always carried my things for me. After dinner, we walked back to the city and before our date was over, he began planning the next time we would see each other. We went to a cafe and drank tea after that, and when we went home, he gave me a hug goodbye (but no kiss). Everything was going well and MT was the first person I felt like I had a real connection with in a long time.

We continued texting almost daily and going on dates every week, but nothing progressed beyond hand holding. After the third date, MT walked me to my platform and waited for my train to come. I could tell he wanted to kiss by the way he was holding me tightly and leaning in towards my neck as he said “say goodbye,” but he was waiting for me to make the first move, but without my on-and-off lover, alcohol, I was too shy to do anything, and MT departed saying “you’re so shy” as he left.

On our fourth date, he hadn’t scheduled plans to meet up again and I was leaving to go overseas, so I asked him if he was free a few days before I left. We made plans for Sunday night, and I met him in his area for dinner. During dinner, the topic of moving to Japan came up, and MT remarked that “there’s nothing wrong with Sydney,” which I took to mean that I shouldn’t move. After dinner, we drove to a beach-side area, where we took a walk (our normal date routine) and shared our first kiss. During this time, MT said “You won’t see me for a month, don’t forget about me,” which I found extremely cute and corny. We went home shortly after this, and he dropped me to my BFF’s house after a bit of kissing in the car.

The next day, as I was leaving Sydney for Tokyo, I got constant messages all day from MT, more than ever before. I was worried that because of the distance, we would eventually drift and I might never see him again, but we kept up texting every day even through 4 weeks of travels. We Skyped while I was at Paris airport as well. Despite texting every day, and acting like he was genuinely into me, I didn’t want to let my guard down and get hurt since I had gotten my heart trampled on by Voyeur Tinder before, so I continued to meet people on Tinder overseas. I didn’t keep this a secret from MT though. I wanted to find out in a discreet manner where we at, so one day while we were chatting, I said casually to him “Did you meet anyone else from Tinder? I’ve met 6 people since I’ve been here.” His reply was “Deleted it. When I got it, I forgot that things like Tinder are best for people who have a lot of time, which I don’t have. Plus I met you.”

MT was good at saying things that made me feel all warm inside. Another instance of this was when I told him about my disastrous night out in Roppongi with some gaijin, who told me I was a 7/10 in response to me saying that I only go home with 10’s. MT’s response was: “You’re an 11/10 and don’t let any random foreigners tell you any different”. It was the best compliment I’d heard for a long time. Because MT kept saying all these heartwarming things to me and acting like he really liked me, I really started to fall for him. He was the first person I had real feelings for in a long time, and I could actually picture myself in a relationship with him. We clicked on so many points, and I loved spending time with him and talking to him. Even though he was two years younger than me, it didn’t feel like he was immature in any way. When we were together, it actually felt like he was the older, more mature one.

After four weeks, I came back from my travels. Within a few days of coming back, MT and I had a Skype date, during which I told him some of my stories from overseas. We discussed my drinking habits overseas and I told MT that I had a drinking problem when I was single, so MT said “So I guess it’s up to me to keep you in line”. I remained silent and MT said “that’s okay, you don’t have to answer that.”

The next night, I met MT in the city where he was waiting for me at the usual spot in front of Town Hall steps. When I saw him, he gave me a hug and did that thing where he would lean in close to my neck, signifying that he wanted to kiss. I didn’t respond though, and to this, MT said “You’ve been gone 4 weeks and now you’re shy again”. We had a pleasant dinner during which we caught up on all the stuff I did and strange people I’d met while traveling. MT had taken it well that I was still going on Tinder dates overseas, so I took it mean he didn’t mind about anything. At one point during dinner, I said that it was a habit of mine to not date a certain nationality after having a bad experience with them, for example, I don’t date Filipinos or Chinese anymore. MT then said “I guess I’m the exception right?” (MT is half Chinese). All this talk of “dating” really confused me as I didn’t know if MT meant we were seeing each other or in a relationship. During dinner, MT also asked what my plans after graduation were (asking in a nonchalant way if I was moving to Japan) and I said I didn’t know yet. He said “that’s okay, it’s still a long way off, you don’t have to decide right now”.

After dinner, we walked around a park with a playground in it, and he kissed me in the park. After we kissed, MT said “now I know you’re really back.” We drank tea at a cafe after that, and MT asked me if I had plans on Saturday, because he might go to see a play or a jazz show. I said I might call in sick so could be available, but then MT said not to call in sick because he might have double booked plans. We went home soon after that, and MT kissed me goodbye at the station and said to text him when I got home. Everything was fine after that, and we were texting like normal that night and the day after, up until the afternoon of the day after when MT said don’t call in sick on Saturday, it’s double booked.

After this, the texts stopped, and he didn’t reschedule plans with me. Because we had been texting regularly for such a long time now, I felt like something was up, so after not hearing from him since Thursday, I texted him on Saturday asking if he was free on Sunday. MT replied saying rehearsal and training 😦 but again, didn’t make plans to meet me at any other time. I got the sense that I was being blown off, but couldn’t believe it because of all the things he had said to me before, the way he had acted, and the time he had invested getting to know me. Obviously I was heartbroken. This was the second time I had let my guard down and got my heart trampled on.

After a few days, I was feeling really bad. I had been stalking MT on Whatsapp, looking at his timestamp and noticed that he had only been checking it about once per day or every two days, so I couldn’t stop wondering if he was really busy or blowing me off. Being me, I couldn’t help myself, so I messaged MT on Facebook and asked how his week had been. He replied saying he had been super busy and that work was just eating time, and also went into a spiel, listing all the things he had to do. I took this as an excuse for why he hadn’t texted/seen me, and I felt closure because this conversation really felt like our last one. I was a bit disappointed that it didn’t work out, but ultimately felt much better after this and decided to move on. Despite that, I didn’t get over him straight away. I continued stalking MT on Facebook, going through photos, and about 5 days after our last conversation, I stalked someone who had tagged him in a photo on Facebook in June, and saw something I didn’t expect. It was a picture of Musician Tinder, with his arms around another girl, one day before our first date. I tried to brush it off because it was over already, but inside I was mad because I wished he’d been upfront with me about seeing other people like I had been with him.

After the incident with MT, I decided that it was time to delete Tinder.

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