The Monte Cristo Tinder

Date of meeting: July 2015

What I wore: lace top and red skirt

What he wore: shorts and a t-shirt

During my short trip to Switzerland a few months ago, I decided that I would in no way be making the most of my Tinder experience if I didn’t try Tinder in Switzerland. After a dramatic episode with the Crazy Tinder (more on him later) I was shaken up but still decided to meet the Monte Cristo Tinder as he’d been waiting half an hour for me already.

We met in the city centre of Geneva, late in the afternoon. At this point, Switzerland was going through a crazy heatwave, with 40 degree days, so he showed up in thongs, shorts and a t-shirt. Monte Cristo Tinder looked slightly Middle Eastern, with an accent that I couldn’t pick. If I had to describe it though, I would have said that he sounded like my favourite classic literary character, the Count of Monte Cristo.

We took a walk along Bel-Air talking about ourselves. Monte Cristo Tinder was 32, half Swiss half Persian, spoke 5 languages, worked as lawyer in a startup, and was also a Couchsurfing host. We had only chatted a little bit before meeting up, and we spent a lot of time talking about our past relationships and dating experiences.

Monte Cristo Tinder said his last ex-girlfriend was his ‘perfect match’. During this time, I began to wonder about so-called perfect matches, and what constitutes one. I wondered if I’d ever had one. I said to Monte Cristo Tinder that my last ex of 4 and a half years may have been my perfect match, but to this Monte Cristo Tinder replied “if there’s any doubt, he wasn’t your perfect match. A perfect match is when you wake up next to someone and love the smell of their morning breath. A perfect match is when someone perfectly complements you in every way.”

While walking along Bel-Air, we engaged in a lot of real talk, about our passions, dreams and past. I didn’t feel an emotional connection or chemistry with him, at all, but I love real talk.

We came to a park that I had wanted to visit, and Monte Cristo Tinder said that he could take some pictures of me. He then took my camera and took a bunch of very good candid photos of me (which I’m very grateful to him for).

We spent the afternoon catching a few ferries across Geneva Lake and then went to get ice cream at a cafe. Shortly after we had ordered, there looked like there was going to be a tornado, and everyone sitting outdoors had to move in. Monte Cristo Tinder took initiative and helped the staff pack up, and came inside after me.

While we were eating ice cream, Monte Cristo Tinder and I talked about my traumatic experience with the Crazy Tinder and Monte Cristo Tinder gave me an amateur therapy session in which I talked about how the Crazy Tinder made me feel (scared). Monte Cristo Tinder said that you can tell how much a man has hooked up before by how desperate/forceful he acts around women. Monte Cristo Tinder said that he had hooked up enough in his life in order to be able to control himself around women, and always waits for the female to make the first move. While we were engaging in real talk, I told Monte Cristo Tinder that looking into someone’s eyes makes you more likely to fall in love with someone, and I had fallen for someone from Tinder before. Monte Cristo Tinder then replied “so that’s why you don’t look at people in the eye anymore”. #Truth

We also discussed his extensive Couch Surfing host experience, and how he only hosts women, and the reasons for that- women are more gentle, easy to get along with, and there’s always the possibility of hooking up.

We took a few more ferry trips across the lake after eating ice cream, on the way back to Bel-Air station. I had told Monte Cristo Tinder that I wanted to eat raclette for dinner, and he had originally said that he was going to come with me, but then it started raining and he wanted to go home, but would tell me how to get to the restaurant. I said that I wouldn’t go to eat by myself, and then he replied “well, now I have to go.”

So we went to have dinner at the raclette restaurant. I almost wished that I hadn’t gone with him, because he spent a good amount of time texting. He spent so long texting, that I almost began to think that he had a girlfriend. Just as we were about to finish dinner, Monte Cristo Tinder asked me what my favourite sex position was. I don’t mind talking about sex, but I felt a bit uncomfortable about this, as there were elderly, English speaking people nearby and I didn’t want to affront anyone’s sensibilities. I replied uncomfortably that I didn’t know, and Monte Cristo Tinder then went into graphic detail about his favourite sex position (behind, from the side).

I was relieved when we finished dinner and it was time to part ways. Monte Cristo Tinder then asked if it would be the day that he would be getting his first kiss from an Australian lady, to which I said no. We then hugged goodbye and I got on the tram back to my hotel with mixed feelings about having met such an uncommon character.

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